Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
