next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
