God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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