so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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