Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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