I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
