If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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