This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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