New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
