Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
