He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize