Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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