just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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