i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
