Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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