Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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