also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
