I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
