im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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