just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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