Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
