I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
