It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize