just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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