I like to think it a success when the cops are called
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
smell my finger.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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