hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
