I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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