Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
