Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
