can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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