GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
