First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
