He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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