Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
