$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He better not be in your backpack
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
