he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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