So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
