o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When are your genitals available?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
