Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
