i wish my penis had a tongue
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So vagazzling was a success
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
