it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
