I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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