even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
