dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
