Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
