dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
