So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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