You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
