K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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