I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
