are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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