Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
