I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
