I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Is it penis luge time yet?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
