You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
