Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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