I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Less talking, more tequila
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
