it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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