I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I could fuck to npr.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
