i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
