Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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