there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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