Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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