I checked into jail on foursquare
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize