the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
