and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
