I am puke
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The air was thick with penises
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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