note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize