Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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