I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize