this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
