She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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