Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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