She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
