Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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